Tuesday, April 30, 2013

what kind of asshole drives a lotus?

Comedown Machine-The Strokes

     While recording Angles, Julian Casablancas told Rolling Stone that they had been recording songs that  influenced by 70s rock. Comedown Machine, apparently, would be the 80s counterpart.
      Besides the similarity to Julian's disappointing and sluggish Phrazes of the Young, the boys make their influence  glaringly obvious with tracks such as the somewhat monotonous namesake '80s Comedown Machine" and the almost over-synthesisized "One Way Trigger". (On the bright side, at least it does make for a very danceable song.)
      As to where there's any of that original Strokes sound left, you could either be a purist and go huddle with your Is This It album or accept that the band has been gradually evolving in style and that it's not necessarily a bad thing. One of the ironic drawbacks of having one of the greatest debut albums of all time is that you're going to spend the rest of your career trying to match it, and often failing your fans' expectations.
Of course, fans will search for Julian's signature raspy voice  or ache for something more exciting-Comedown Machine lives up to its name in that the second half of it slows way down in thrill factor).
But Julian's guttural sound can be found in at least one song, rocker "50/50", in which he loudly begs not to be judged and the insanely catchy "Welcome to Japan" is sure to be a favorite to those aching for the Strokes' melodic garage rock, and to anyone else really. That song is great.
      Speaking of great, check out that great big RCA logo-That's the Stroke's way of commemorating the five years of the contract they had with the record label. Now that their stint together has come to an end, who knows where the Strokes will go next?

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Sexy Teachers and English Accents

I really need to start doing a post right after I'm done reading a book. It's a really bad habit for me to just finish a book and move on to another immediately after then I start to forget what these books are about then I'll just have to begin rereading and that's a pain in the ass because I already have a pile of other books that I just bought that haven't been touched yet. Anyways. I really want to get the single independent books out of the way.
So I'll start with Losing It.
I'm sorry the cover looks really indecent but I swear it's far from being a nasty dirty book. It doesn't even come close to Fifty shades if that's what you're assuming. DON'T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER. (Even though I do at most times)
Well. Losing It, is about a girl, Bliss who's a near college graduate and still has her virginity and all throughout this book she tries to purse this guy named Garrick who happens to be a drool-worthy British bloke and she basically wants him to deflower her.
 That's essentially the entire plot. But obviously the story is so much more developed than that. I really loved the book, it was an easy read and it was one of the funniest romance books I've read in a while. I love books that make me feel all warm and gooey and I love books that make my cheeks hurt from laughing and this little sucker did both. I loved it. I would definitely read it again. Probably will because Cora is coming out with a sequel (Faking It) and I happened to pre-order that one so, I'm just waiting for my nook to surprise me and say 'Dear Kirsten. You persistent Son of a bitch. You can stop trying to open this book because now it's finally out and you may read.'
Im serious though, I've been trying to click on Faking It...
but my lovely nook is just like:
"It's not going to open you bastard. It's not out yet. You only pre-ordered it. That doesn't make you special." So it's just kinda sitting there in my library... on my shelf.... unopened... virtually unopened...
It goes a little like this.
Bliss Edwards (22 Years Old), is nearly graduating college and still has her v card. She's like:
 (which in my opinion is totally fine but since she meets the love of her life I"m like k bitch. give it up already.)
She takes SOOOOO LONG to finally do it. With. The man of her dreams. Every time something came up in her way I was like
So Bliss goes out to a bar with her friend Kelsey. Kelsey is a babe with the mind of a sex crazed hormonal boy. Like
Or even better yet, like:
Oh wait sorry. That was a man.
A foxy man.
Like foxy Cleopatra.
And he's a whole lotta woman.
I know you guys are like.
So they're at this bar and Bliss meets this man who was beautiful enough to make the angels sing. With his blonde hair, sexy scruffy chin, and crystal blue eyes
AND he was reading Shakespeare. SHAKESPEARE!
Look at Shakespeare, he's sexy.
I'm kidding. that's fake Shakespeare. Here's Shakespeare. He's still damn romantic.
He has such a way with words.
No? You hate Shakespeare
 All of you losers out there. That have no appreciation.
Well anyways, Bliss spots him reading Shakespeare at the back of the bar in the darkest area on her way to the bathroom. Then she says something stupid like "If that's supposed to be a way to pick up girls, I would suggest moving to an area with a little more traffic." With her snippy sultry attitude.
and then he just looks at her like 'Excuse me bitch?'
 Then she tries to fend for herself and then he speaks again and he's like 'I'm actually just trying to read but you miss thang are beautiful' That's when she hears it.
His accent.
Both Bliss and I were swooning immediately.
So they hit it off immediately, turns out he's not much of a Shakespeare fan and then likely assumes that Bliss is a fat fan of his most common Romeo and Juliet but she counters by saying her favorite is Othello and he's rather impressed then they start talking about passion. Hot. I know. He's so slick and still almost romantic he's like Alfie. The movie Alfie.
Except he's not a total player/user and abuser. And doesn't lose the one he loves.
 And he's all seductive and speaks to her about why he's reading at a bar and he's like, 'well love, I got locked out of my new apartment and I'm waiting on a locksmith' He finally tells her his name is Garrick and he's like
Okay not really. He deserves more credit than that. He buys her a drink from this flirty bartender boy named Brandon who happens to develop a mild crush on Bliss. They talk and drink and it's obvious Garrick is almost head over heels for Bliss because let's be honest. She's beautiful too. She's just too modest. Anyways, they share a PASSIONATE- ON FIRE- WHEELS ROLLING-OH MY GOD IM REELING- BED ROCKING kiss. Fireworks and all. That's when they decide to leave. And Bliss is like 'Yeuh....Now I'm that much closer to giving it up to a British sex fiend.' They get on his MOTORCYCLE. She has a mini heart attack but he calms her down and then when she gets off she burns her leg on the steaming pipe and he helps her to his apartment which she finally realizes is the same complex she lives in! They live in the same place. They cant get into his place because he still doesn't have a key so she blurts out the fact that she lives in the same complex. And he's like
 Okay that's enough creepy eyebrow wags.
Oh do you now? So they go to her place and he bandages her up, meaning he had to take her skirt off (at least I think she's wearing a skirt... I don't remember) Which was one the steamiest scenes I've ever read where a man had to peel a girl's clothing off. It was really hot.
Almost as sexy as that one scene in Underworld: Evolution where Michael oh so slowly unzips Seline's leather suit. (That was REALLY HOT. I mean, dayum.)
So he undresses her and wraps up her burn on her leg and then they get to making out and then they come SO freaking close to finally doing it and everything's perfect, the lights are dimmed, the breeze is blowing, the steam is set on high, they're naked and both totally turned on (And god, Garrick sounds so hot when he's turned on) And I got all excited, I'm like yeah she's really gonna do this. It's gonna be mind blowing. She's adorable and she deserves it
and then all of a sudden Bliss cannot go through with it. She has a panic attack and blurts out a lie. AND ITS THE FUCKING DUMBEST LIE IVE EVER HEARD.
 A cat that needs to be picked up at 12:00 in the morning from a vet while Garrick is worshipping her body. I MEAN COME ON BLISS.
 I could have killed her. The worst part is, she doesn't even have a cat and then to back up her info, she gives it a backstory and names her so called female cat fucking HAMLET. Like a man.
So she basically kicks the man of her dreams out of her apartment (Which sounds really adorable...like the apartment in friends) And that was the end of the night she ALMOST lost her virginity. The nex day, she goes to school and goes to her acting class where what do ya know, GARRICK is teaching!!! Garrick, the sexy English man she fell for is her teacher. It's kind of hawt, the forbidden fruit thing.
Anyways, I don't want to spoil the entire thing for you cause what would be the point. But uh, they try to carry on this secret relationship and they really fall hard for each other. It's really romantic honestly. It kind of reminds me of Shakespeare in love
when there's moments where Bliss is rehearsing with her male counterpart and then Garrick (so cute) steps in and he's like no no no, you're doing it all wrong. Let me show you how it's done. Let me show you what PASSION looks like. Then he you know.. makes out with her in front of class and it's just so great. Of course there's a conflict and it's a huge misunderstanding or rather miscommunication like usual in all these individual romance books. And it's just one of those typical complications where the main heroine breaks down in tears and it goes a little something like
But they solve it in the end and it really does turn out to be a really cute and super funny book. The comedy is what makes it the best. It's a great book to have when you're feeling blue.
And then you read this and everything's better. The trees are sprouting, the sun is up, the sky is blue and you feel great and warm inside.
Yes sweetheart. Yes. You can.
So in the end they're finally together and Bliss lost her virginity to the hottest man in Texas. And all is well. Let's celebrate!
Kirsten Bird Signing Off