Sunday, March 31, 2013

here i am, not quite died

The Next Day-David Bowie

Returning to the music scene after a decade long hiatus, the ever enigmatic David Bowie surprised fans when he announced that he'd be releasing a new album on March 8. The album was completed over the course of two years, kept secret by Bowie and the non-disclosure agreements he made the band sign while in the studio.
      The aptly mysterious album art is merely a recreation of his previous 1977 album Heroes (the original album name is causally crossed out), with Bowie appearing to hold a white box with the album title 'The Next Day' in his iconic pose: perfect comeback image for the man of mystery and art.
      Two singles and music videos were released prior to the albums release-'Where Are We Now?' in which Bowie's face hides us through a melancholy journey ending with 'As long as there's me/As long as there's you' and 'The Stars Are Out Tonight', an quasi-film in which Bowies characteristic obsession freaky-paranormal gives birth to a story of a mysterious set of new neighbors (Aliens? Rock stars? Rock star aliens?) turn upside down the 'nice life' of a conservative married couple.
      The rest of the album is all in all a pleasant surprise, widely regarded as his best album since the success of 'Let's Dance' about three decades ago. The songs range from melancholy and introspective ('Where Are We Now?' and 'Valentine's Day') to upbeat ('How Does The Grass Grow') and include what may become a Katniss Everdeen anthem ('(You Will) Set The World On Fire').
      The hour long album shows us Bowie's been working hard. But there are also hints that he's written even more songs, during his working period, songs that could spill over into a whole other album. That would be good news for Bowie fans, considering he's sworn not to present any live performances for this album. Perhaps the next one?
      Either way, a music legend is back on his feet, and even without the six inch glitter boots he's standing tall. As his iconic song warned: Look out, you rock n rollers.

Check out "The Stars Are Out Tonight' music video here.

Friday, March 15, 2013

Where one life ends, another begins.

I have to say Avatar may just possibly be my favorite movie of all time. I saw it in the theatre in December of 2009 and I loved it the moment it started. It's really nothing new, I mean, the story has been many times before. For example, The Last of the Mohicans, Pocahontas, Dances with Wolves, Atlantis, John Carter (Notice a lot of these have some sort of native tribe or alien culture in it. Weird right?) Well. The movie is done really well though, I mean the CGI is incredible. The actors were covered in what they call tracking dots that the special effects guys use to follow their gestures and expressions and whatnot that's why the actors look remotely close to their avatar or alien equivalent.

 Basically the storyline is about a guy named Jake Sully

 (played by Aussie, Sam Worthington) who happens to be a soldier, is also handicapped but that doesn't stop him from being a really hot Australian (Uses American accent in the movie) badass.

 is sent to another planet named Pandora after the death of his twin brother who was a scientist. He goes to Pandora, taking his place and is linked to what they call an Avatar (hence, the name of the movie). The Avatar is a copy of the native aliens called Na'vi that live there on Pandora. They're basically the same, except Avatar's are made to look like their human host and they have five fingers and other certain small details that are different from the natives. So anyways, Jake Sully is placed inside his brother's avatar and sent out into the forest along with two other scientists Grace Augustine (played by Sigourney Weaver) and Norm Spellman (played by Joel David Moore) and befriends them and a rebellious female soldier named Trudy Chacon (played by Michelle Rodriguez)

 He's basically spying for the asshole's, the hotheaded colonel (played by Stephen Lang) and the power hungry monster Parker Selfridge (played by Giovanni Ribisi) who came to Pandora for money. From the start of the movie, when Jake, Grace, and Norm head out to the forest to explore you see that they're being watched by a native named Neytiri

 (played by the stunning and oh so gorgeous Zoe Saldana) She almost shoots them with her handy dandy bow and arrow but she notices that what the natives call a spirit (looks a lot like a glowing floating seed thing) lands on her bow and she sees it as a sign and holds back.

On their little adventure, Jake wanders off and pisses off an animal and gets it to chase him away from the other two and so they have no choice but to abandon him and wait till later to save him. During his night he gets lost and goes through hell trying to survive in a place that is so foreign to him. Neytiri finds him fighting off a pack of dogs and she has no choice but to kill them which only pisses her off more about him. He's intrigued with her from the start and follows her after she runs away. She tries to ward him off but he refuses and asks her to teach him about the forest, and learn how to understand it and how it's all connected. She insists that he's stupid and won't be able to learn but then he's like attacked by a bunch of tree spirits and he's just like what the hell and tries swatting them away

 but she stops in her tracks and insists he come with her to her 'home tree'

At first her family is like

And they all kinda hate him because they know he's human and they don't like humans. but then they let him stay as long as Neytiri teaches him "their ways." She doesn't want to at first but then she agrees and they take a rest. When he wakes up he's back in his human body and the colonel and Parker both discuss with him about how good it would be to learn the Na'vi ways and get inside and try to get them to leave the home tree because the humans want to destroy the home tree. He agrees and wakes up and then things get interesting. Neytiri teaches him everything about being a Na'vi. Their culture, the way they live, the animals

what they eat, how to survive

 how the forest and the they are all connected and can be one when they link these little hairs within their tails to the hairs on certain living things. Which can get really creepy. I mean. What the hell.

When I first saw that, I was like... uh... Okay this is weird.

But you get used to it.
I did.
So anyways, she teaches him so much he eventually becomes a Na'vi and gets his own Banshee which is like a horse/dragon. He loses sight of his mission and getting the Na'vi out of their home tree.

He falls in love with Neytiri and they do the nasty and make It official.

 Which is also a really kinda awkward sex scene considering they use their tails... Do they have genitals? You just kind watch and you're like.

I have no idea.

And you're like is this really happening?
With their tails?

I feel like it was a sentimental and really sweet scene but at the same time I'm just like

I saw it with my parents and after that we just kind looked at each other and agreed to pretend that it hadn't happened but we were like

Alright, no.

So anyway. The next day, the humans decide to take initiative and they start destroying the forest and Neytiri kind of has a meltdown.

Little does she know, Jake is sort of behind the whole thing and then he later admits to her the whole thing and she's like "I hate you!" and I was like wait what no you can't hate him. You guys are supposed to love each other. But she pretty much breaks up with him.

So he tries to save the day and protect them and fight the humans and such but then Grace AND Tracy both die and it's terrible and I was like

But then Jake comes back and makes amends with Neytiri and her family and they fight the humans and show them who's boss and everythings amazing and they're like "yeuh we won!"
And it really is a great but really long movie. In the end you'll be in tears of joy and you'll need a hug. (At least I was) like:

Ah that was so great.

Don't listen to anyone! it's a good movie. So watch it if you haven't.

Kirsten Bird Signing Off

And here's Sam in a Call of Duty commercial.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Happy Hunger Games, and May the odds be ever in your favor!

Alright alright alright laddies. Let me just spew a bazillion words about The Hunger Games. I, Kirsten have a problem. And it's called obsessed. And this series happens to be my absolute favorite series ever.
 I LOVE LOVE LOVE these books more than my life. I think. Maybe. I'm pretty self centered
 so I doubt it, but there's a considerable amount of love that I have for them. I was hooked from Page 1. That says a lot. I mean, literally the first paragraph goes "When I wake up, the other side of the bed is cold. My fingers stretch out, seeking Prim's warmth but finding only the rough canvas of the mattress. She must have had bad dreams and climbed in with our mother. Of course, she did. This is the day of the reaping." That may not sound appealing to you, but for some ungodly reason it called to me. I wanted to know what the Reaping was, I wanted to know why her sister would be scared. I had so many questions that needed answers and so I was just going to have to read the whole book now, wasn't I?
I had no idea what the book was about. Like. At all. No clue. I'd only seen the TEASER trailer for the movie once which was in December of 2011 or maybe it was November. It was only like the mockingjay pin and Rue's whistle. This is what I saw in the cold winter of 2011. 
No, I think it was December, Anyways. The theatre which was full of girls screamed. And I'm like "What the fuck are these bitches screaming about. What the hell is a hunger game? It sounds stupid." The girls behind me and my family kinda gasped because I had said aloud that it sounded stupid. And I'm like what are you gasping about???
 Then the last words were like 'Based on the best selling trilogy THE HUNGER GAMES... COMING SOON.' And I was like "Nope. Still sounds dumb." And then I went to the book store to buy something (I have no idea what it was so don't ask.) And I just started seeing these damn books EVERYWHERE. I MEAN. Goddamn everywhere I was, I saw some sort of promotion for either the books or the movie. I was getting tired of seeing and hearing about it and I STILL had no fucking idea what the hell it was about. I'm like is the movie seriously about food because uh....
 It was driving me crazy. I had to know what all the fuss was about, so. I gave in. I bought the book and the clerk at the counter just smiled at me and I was like  
I GAVE IN. I CAVED. KIRSTEN. Who hates bandwagon reading. ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY HATE IT. I needed to know.
 Call me weak. Go ahead.
I could have just read the plot summary online but that would probably ruin it for me and I wouldn't have read it. THANK GOD I trusted my instincts to just give it try. Well. I read it, and you should see me now. I was like yes. I like this very much.
 My cousin walked into my room once and she looked at everything in horror and she just stared at everything, because my room at the time (I've toned it down since, just because I'm actually hoping to move out within the next two years with my best friend and the less I have to take down the better) looked like Gary Ross and Suzanne Collins threw up all over it, She gave me a look of disgust and I was just like
 I am the biggest THG fangirl ever, it's sad and probably embarrassing for everyone else around me
 but I couldn't give two shits about what other people think of my adoration and passion for this series. I fell in love and met a lot of girls and I joined the fandom and they asked me a bunch of questions to prove my worthiness I suppose, and I was like 'wow. Alright guys, I guess I'm in this for life now huh?'
 I read the first book in a day. A day. It was more like half a day because it's only like what, 100 something or so pages. It was THAT good. IS that good. I know I always talk about how much I love the way the author writes, but Suzanne Collins man. That woman can WRITE. She's an amazing author. Everything's just so detailed and she knows how to make you feel something for every character. Except for maybe Katniss' mom. because sometimes she comes out of nowhere and I'm just like
I mean. Come on. Their mother is terrible. She never did anything to help the girls. I was just like Your daughters need you and you're so damn emotionally unavailable like they didn't lose someone dear to them too? (Their father)  
 Anyways. Back to the books. I tried to get a lot of people to read it because it was amazing. I got my best friend to read it and I think she pretty much loves it nearly as much as I. Maybe. I know she liked it enough to want to make a movie spin off of it. It was tuff to get her to read it at first but I took her to see the movie and right after I was like Ehhh??? How bout now? You read it now?
And she was like, yes absolutely. And I was just like Oh yeaaaaahhh.
 But uh, everyone kinda turned it down and they're like 'sounds boring and sick minded, Children fighting to death.'
 WELL. Few months later, after everyone saw the movie they're like 'OMG KIRSTEN IT WAS SUCH A GOOD MOVIE AND GUESS WHAT! IM READING THE BOOK RIGHT NOW!' My reaction, I was like "Good for you, you evil bastards."
My other buddy wanted to borrow my books after she saw it and I cherish those book with my life but I also love her with all my heart. AND I have two copies of all of them. which is bad. but um, she begged and I was like
The plot was just so new to me, I'd never read anything like it. If you didn't know already, the story is about a girl (Age:16) named Katniss Everdeen
She's good at archery thanks to her dad and she hunts to support her sister Primrose (Age:12)
 and their mom, since their father died in a mining accident. She's pretty much like Prim's mother since their mother's a shitty mom.
Anyways. The story is set in a post-apocalyptic futuristic America. which is now called Panem and is split into 12 districts based on the region and the district you live in is what your district specializes in. It ranges from textiles, to mining, to power, agriculture, and more. District 12- Mining is the poorest of the poor and that's where Katniss lives along with her best friend Gale Hawthorne (Age:18) and Madge Undersee. (WHOM WAS NEVER IN THE MOVIE GODDAMIT UNLESS THAT OLD WOMAN WHO GAVE KATNISS THE MOCKINGJAY PIN AT THE HOB WAS MADGE, BUT NO. MMHMM. I DON'T THINK SO.)
Anyways, The Hunger Games is an annual competition the country puts on (or rather the capitol which is the city of fabulous fancy people) or actually President Coriolanus Snow. Who acts all high and mighty. It's literally a fight to the death,
 there's two kids from ages 12-18 female and male who are chosen at random at a "reaping" and they're thrown into this arena from each district and they fight to stay alive. It's all about survival. The thing is Effie Trinket, The escort who is beyond adorable chooses Prim
 but Katniss can't let her sister die like that so she volunteers to take her place as tribute.
She leaves her sister and asks Gale to take care of her sister and mother, and he does because he really is a great guy and they both have a thing for each other.
Anyway, Katniss is taken to the capitol with Peeta, whom already happens to be IN LOVE with her, since he first saw her back home. Which kinda screws things up considering there can only be one winner out of the 24. oops.
 He's just so damn adorable and he admires her so much. He really probably is too good for her but who the fuck cares, they're perfect together.
And he's a baker. And he's strong I mean. That's like sexiness on a stick.
Haymitch Abernathy is a drunken mentor and he's pretty dang lovable too. He trains Katniss and Peeta in survival skills and getting people to love you and such and he pretty much becomes their closest friend, ally, and almost a father figure.
Cinna is Katniss' stylist and he's a big rebellious ball of sassiness.
 He gets her all dolled up and makes her look fabulous and sets her on "fake fire" and that gets her the well known nickname 'girl on fire'
Small note: People seemed to have forgotten that Peeta was on fire too man. What the hell.
 Katniss uses her archery and independence skills to stay alive but she's pretty much on her own considering her male equivalent, Peeta Mellark (Age:16 I believe) is kind of a dick and goes to hang out with the careers but for good reasons I'm assuming. So Katniss has to fight off a couple bitches and then finds Rue
 who is the sweetest thing ever and so young and reminds her of Prim so she takes care of Rue. But then Marvel the asshole from District 1 harpoons her and she dies and it's like the saddest death ever.
 I cried forever. When I read that. I cried. I was like nooooooooo this can't be happening. But it did.
And it happened in the movie too which might just have been worse because I could see the emotion and it was just terrible.
But nonono. Suzanne Collins kills off so many more people in the books it's not even funny.
Let's go down the list of deaths that emotionally affected me.
So Katniss is alone after Rue dies and then the announcer's like" Hey guys you can win as long as your tribute partner is still alive!!!!" so Katniss goes to find Peeta.
Peeta uses his cake decorating skizzills to disguise himself. And so Katniss finds him like laying between rocks. It's so funny though omfg. (I laughed out loud in the theatre. Like the only one. Then I took my bestie and we both laughed out loud)
Eventually, Katniss takes him to a cave, heals him with a donation from the viewers, and then they make out for a while. A WHILE. (At least in the book it was for a while)
So there's like Thresh, and Cato left and Thresh is killed by crazy mutations that the gamemaker Seneca son of a bitch crane sent in to make things spicy and Katniss and peeta find Cato and they kill him but Peeta's leg is once again wounded and they eventually amputate it in the book. Not movie. Book. Anyways, the announcer is like 'hey guess what guys, I was just kidding earlier, you have to kill each other. have fun!" So they get all rebellious and they're like 'ya know what. we're gonna kill ourselves with these nightlock berries!!! take that bitches weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
But then the announcer's like "Oh wait guys. I was kidding again. You both are winners!"
The real question everyone's always asking themselves about Peeta and Katniss' relationship throughout the story is
And I say
She may not have been too fond of Peeta at first, but she had a soft spot and he got to her and she fell in love with him. Just admit it guys. All you Gale lovers out there, whom say that Katniss only chose Peeta because Gale left and she felt bad for Peeta.
 Come on ladies. She loved them both but Peeta won.
Peeta Mellark is fucking perfect though man. Everyone loves him because he's just so sociable and in the book he's supposed to be popular so he's always just like yes. I'm amazing. Adore me.
And so they win the 74th hunger games, Peeta and Katniss and all is well for a while. Though things are kinda awkward when they get back because Katniss doesn't really love Peeta still but then President Snow comes out to her house and he's like hey, you need to be in love with Peeta or I'm gonna kill everyone you love. THEN they're both thrown into the quarter quell after their victors tour. During Catching Fire is when Katniss really does start to fall for Peeta, which cause my feelings to burst like
 They both team up with a young man from district 4 (fishing) named Finnick Odair who is the hottest man alive in Panem.
Finnick Odair.
Is no more.
Also! Peeta and Katniss have to be together publicly and so Gale's kinda hurt which is really sad and I feel for him I do. I really do love him, but Gale and Katniss are together it's like Peeta's just kinda there and he's like
And when Peeta announced that Katniss and him were pregnant I was like
At first I was thinking, What. When did I miss this? UKNOWN BOOK SEX. COME ON SUZANNE. Then I was like "ohhhhhh I get it now." Well. You go Peeta.
There is teeny tiny itty bitty steamy scenes where Katniss is like 'fuck it. we're both gona die anyway.' so they make out and it's really sweet and I'm just reading it and dancing like oh yeah guys. get it ON.
I'm sorry. You guys probably think I'm perverted. I just love couples being affectionate is all. I can't help it.
So they do the thing and then Katniss and a few others are saved from the arena but Peeta, Annie Cresta (Finnick's girl) Johanna and a couple more are captured and Katniss becomes this rebel leader in Mockingjay and it's really war zoned oriented and Gale gets on my nerves and then they save the prisoners but Peeta's brain is like rewired to think that Katniss is the enemy and so he doesn't remember her when she greets him and at the moment I read that I was like
So Katniss is obviously really hurt and then slowly Peeta regains his memory but only after a really long while and then on one of their missions Finnick is attacked by mutant lizards and he dies and at that moment I cried forever. Forever.
In the end Katniss and Peeta have babies and I was like PRAISE THE LORD they finally did it. For real this time.
But I absolutely hate how Suzanne ended it. It's so abrupt. It's like she wrote this whole elaborate story and then she just got tired of it and she's like wellp. Everyone's pretty much dead and I'm tired of writing so. Boom. Done. The end.
 I was like
And then I'm like no. This ain't the end. There's got to be a missing chapter or something. An alternate ending. I looked it up everywhere to see if that was really the end and even asked someone on a Suzanne Collins fanpage and they're like
So I was once again like:
So I made the rash decision to make a fanfiction and guess what guys. I DID. I pretty much elongated the ending and made it slightly happier. None of you will ever read it though so don't ask.
I'm just gonna go eat my feelings now. Excuse me.
Oh and can I just say, I LOVE JENNIFER SHRADER LAWRENCE. Yes, even before the Hunger Games. I saw her in Winter's Bone and I was like Dayum. this girl can act. I loved her then and I always will , she's my idol and my girl crush. AND!
Let's just pretend you didn't see any of that if you haven't read the books yet.
Thanks for reading this though!
OH and here's the lame but still beautiful and exciting trailer for Catching fire.
Kirsten Bird Signing Off